Faster than a speeding minivan.  More powerful than a bunch of seven-year-olds on Capri Sun.  Able to leap through professional glass ceilings in a single bound.  You get the picture.  In our last post we talked about all the incredible effects that Michelle Obama has had on the perception of beauty in this country, and on ideas about what a woman can be and do.  Now we focus on the flipside of women’s empowerment, or rather, over-empowerment.  We’re talking about the Superwoman Phenomenon.

This is, at its core, a self-esteem issue: women trying to prove their worth based on their ability to multi-task and achieve as much as men while also filling the traditional roles of mother and keeper of the home fires.  It’s as though feminism has come full circle and with, the Law of Unintended Consequences has come into effect as well.  For decades or more, many men have defined their self-worth based on their careers, earnings and possessions.  It’s the American pastime: showing off how much you make and how much you have.  But women, locked out of higher professional positions, based their self-esteem largely on being wives, mothers and community nurturers.

Now, with women climbing the corporate ladder and redefining business and culture as fast or faster than men (Oprah? Michelle Obama?), equality has come full circle and it’s not always pretty.  More and more women are being told—and believingt—that in order to be fully realized human beings, they have to “have it all”—be career climbers who still manage to have water births and tend organic gardens.  That’s the Superwoman Syndrome: making our self-worth about what we do, not who we are.

Of course, it’s a trap.  No woman can do everything.  Something always has to give, whether it’s career or children.  That’s why you can jump on an online forum about being a working mom versus a stay-at-home mom and watch the sparks fly.  The pressure makes us take sides.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  There are ways to remain balanced and avoid the Superwoman trap.  Here are some ideas we’ve found to be effective (and as doctors and mothers, we’ve used a few of them ourselves):

• Ignore the expectations of others.  Society tries to force us into roles with passive messages that say, “You’re not good enough unless…”  But these are lies.  The only voice that matters is the one that speaks to you from inside.  Strong self-esteem is in part heeding only the opinions of people you know and respect.
• Pamper yourself. Sometimes, you’re going to be going 100 miles an hour with your perfectly done hair on fire.  It’s inevitable.  When you are, take care of yourself.  Exercise.  Meditate.  Eat right.  Take quiet time with friends.  Be kind to your body and mind and you will handle stress with far greater success.
• Delegate.  If your friends kid you about being a control freak, you probably are.  Let go of the reins; you don’t have to do everything.  Learn to trust others with tasks and spend your time on the things you enjoy the most and the things you’re best at…which often are one and the same.
• Reallocate your time.  What do you love most about your life?  Make that the object of most of your attention.  If you’d rather me a mom first and a professional second, find ways to devote more time to family and less to work.  That could mean telecommuting or even cutting back hours.  You might have to make some choices that are hard in the beginning, but when you’re living the way that brings you joy, multi-tasking will become much easier.

In the end, Superwoman is a myth.  We’re all doing the best we can.  So maybe the best advice is to forgive yourself and give yourself credit for what you do well.  Because it’s probably quite a lot.

Stay beautiful,

Debi & Eva