In the Beauty-Brain Loop, the interdependent system that connects all aspects of what makes us beautiful, Environment is the most sensitive. Our health, our skin, our inner self—these are all fairly stable, at least, we hope they are. But the environment, which consists of our physical surroundings, our relationships and the way we view others and the world around us, is dynamic and constantly changing in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. We shift our physical surroundings by something as simple as lighting a candle, while relationships can change course with a single sentence. So it is not surprising that during the holiday season, our environment is under assault from a powerful enemy: work.
We’re a work-centric culture, and we two are no different. As physicians, our work is a great part of who we are. It defines us in some very important ways, and other people in other professions, from law to journalism to education, are the same way. Such people are actually quite blessed to be involved in careers that are so engaging and important that they can shape who we are. But…what about when it becomes too much? What about when work follows us home? The home is a vital aspect of holistic beauty; it’s supposed to be the place where we are at peace, where we can enjoy love and music and the smell of food cooking, where we can shape our physical surroundings to appeal to our senses in any way we like. When you come home after leaving your work behind, don’t you breathe a sigh of relief? It’s your space, your sanctuary, where you can nurture the most beautiful aspects of yourself.
In the past, work stayed at work. But in recent years, it’s become culturally OK to be on call 24/7. Cell phones, e-mail, Blackberries and virtual private networks make any of us (unless we commit the societal sin of turning off our electronics) reachable at any time, anywhere. Home has become an extension of the office for many people, and when that happens it loses its peace and serenity. Its rejuvenating power diminishes. When your concern at home is not slipping into a comfy robe, grabbing a favorite book, curling up to read to your kids or just sitting with a cup of tea doing nothing, but dealing with work, you’re not recharging your batteries. You’re not in balance, and the Beauty-Brain Loop is all about balance. You’re not balanced when you are at work even when you’re at home.
So we are issuing a call to arms…actually, to hands. Turn off the devices. Leave work at work. Rebuild the boundary between work and home. If you’ve been feeling stressed out, impatient, sleepless and ragged this holiday season, it may be because your home is not the beautiful environment you need it to be. Fortunately, that has little to do with its decor. It has everything to do with how you feel when you walk across the threshold. In this season of giving, give yourself the gift of a beautiful Environment. Decide that it’s OK not to be at work all the time. Remind yourself that home, aside from being what Robert Frost called the place that “when you go there, they have to take you in,” should also be the place where you heal and revive body and spirit. Try it. You’ll feel—and be—more beautiful.
Let’s face it, the holiday season is unkind to beauty. In almost any part of the country the weather is, well, frightful, which makes skin dry and red and makes us more likely to come down with a cold or flu (interesting note: it’s actually been scientifically proven that cold viruses spread more easily in cold, dry weather). Holiday parties and big family dinners mean tempting calories that can undermine months’ worth of hard work at the gym, in the pool or at the yoga studio. And of course, the travel, relatives coming and going, fighting for the last Elmo toy and worrying about spending during a troubled economy can mean a month’s worth of stress that can cause skin breakouts, suppress the immune system and wreck sleep, leaving us with dark circles under our eyes and a generally non-cheery disposition.
Call it “Bah Humbug Beauty Syndrome.” It’s what can make us, at a time of the year when we’re supposed to be taking joy in family, friends, winter’s beauty and festivity, feel and look less than our best. We just don’t think that’s fair, so we’re here with some suggestions. Not so much for your waistline or your skin; those are easy to find from many sources. You know the usual advice: skip the potluck meals, eat light, drink in moderation, keep working out, moisturize, and so on. No, our advice relates more to the stress component of the holiday season, the part that sometimes keeps us from seeing the beauty around us because we’re so busy trying to keep up with what the holidays are supposed to be.
Well, as we point out in The Beauty Prescription, part of being beautiful is seeing and appreciating beauty in others and having the air of joy and peace that comes with that beauty. So some of the best beauty advice these two docs can provide is medicine that you make yourself with your mind, eyes and heart:
Stop during your running and look around. See the decorations, the people dressed for the holidays, the delight on childrens’ faces. Listen to the music and carols. Appreciate it for what it means: everyone coming together to celebrate life, regardless of their religious beliefs.
Quit trying to find the perfect gift for certain people and focus on something meaningful to the values of each person on your list.
Spend more time on the simple, healing aspects of the holidays: songs, tree decorating, deep conversations with family. Slow down.
Think back on the blessings of the last year and take time to really appreciate and find the meaning in each one. You might find you have more to be thankful for than you realized.
Do something kind for someone else, whether it’s serving food at a soup kitchen or donating canned goods to charity. It feels wonderful.
Yes, you should take care of your skin, eat right and all the rest. But true beauty comes from within, and if you live in a frigid climate nobody can see your perfect complexion under all those layers of outerwear anyway. But a beautiful disposition always shines through.
In our book, The Beauty Prescription, we talk extensively about something we call “Beauty 911.” It means that when life knocks you flat with a tragedy or a bad turn of events, it’s important to devote a little of your time and strength to letting yourself be beautiful—to taking care of yourself. This may seem trivial when faced with something like the collapse of a relationship, a financial catastrophe or a frightening health problem, but who made the rule that hard times were supposed to be endured with stone-faced stoicism? What’s wrong with breaking the tension by spending an hour getting your hair blown out, buying a great pair of shoes or laughing with a friend until you feel nauseous? Nothing, we say. In fact, giving yourself permission to care about your inner and outer beauty during a period of great stress is probably one of the healthiest coping mechanisms we’ve ever heard of.
It’s all about control. We live with a tentative, fragile illusion that we’re in control of our lives, but we’re really not. Most of life is a roll of the dice. We can’t control the stock market, the actions of other people, the weather or the DNA in our cells. So when something happens that shatters our neat, controlled bubble, it’s devastating. We feel like we’re floating without moorings, utterly vulnerable and alone. In fact, it’s important to remember that while we may cherish the idea that we control the outcome of each day, there are only two things we can control: how we prepare for what happens and how we respond to what happens. When something destroys your sense of peace and predictability, it’s essential that you regain some small bit of control that you can hold onto. Focusing on your beauty gives you a little of your control back.
Let’s face it, even if you’re diagnosed with cancer and facing rough treatments, you’re still the one in control of what you eat, how you dress and how you look. No one else can make those decisions for you. Even if your home is foreclosed upon, you can still get your nails done and make sure your makeup looks perfect. You can and should take time to meditate, work out, moisturize, and do whatever you must to look and feel as good as you can. Beauty is a pillar anchored in bedrock that you can cling to when everything else seems to be pitching in the wind. You say, “Well, at least I know I look great!” It’s not a solution to your problems, but it’s something that can help you make it through the day…and some days, that’s all you really hope for, isn’t it?
Trauma also tests our inner beauty. It’s easy to blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault and to wallow in guilt. This can cause self-esteem to take a dive and pull you into a dangerous downward spiral. It’s just as vital to tend your inner beauty: spend time with a Beauty Buddy, be with friends, talk with a therapist. Find ways to become more objective about what’s going on and you’re likely to find that, even if you share some responsibility for what’s gone wrong, it’s not all your fault.
Beauty treatments are great for boosting your inner beauty and are also wonderful antidotes for the harmful effects of the stress hormones that flood our bodies during times of trauma. Just having your toes done and being around other women in a supportive setting releases oxytocin, creating feelings of warmth and bonding. And what could be better than a massage to knead away the tightness and exhaustion that come with life’s trials? We know women who have gotten cosmetic treatments right before therapy for cancer, because knowing they looked their best was part of their act of “girding for battle,” going into the fight with guns blazing. More power to them. Confidence, self-esteem and inner peace are critical if you’re going to make it through life’s tsunamis. Beauty 911 is something none of us should be afraid of dialing.
