Now this is interesting. An upcoming new ABC TV show being co-produced by Tyra Banks and Ashton Kutcher called “True Beauty” turns the tired reality show cliche of “who’s hotter?” on its head in a way that we beauty docs can’t help but find intriguing. The show was unveiled recently after six months of secrecy. Read on:
Hosted and judged by TV personality Vanessa Minnillo, along with supermodel Cheryl Tiegs and Nolé Marin of “America’s Next Top Model,” the series will spotlight six females and four males who will live together as they undergo a series of challenges to determine who is the most beautiful. While the contestants think they are being judged solely on their outer appearance, the challenges are actually designed to test their inner beauty. At the end of eight episodes, a winner who is the most beautiful inside and out will receive a cash prize and a spot in People magazine’s 100 Most Beautiful People issue.
Perhaps the format is a little bit deceptive, but what a fascinating and challenging idea! Details aren’t 100% clear, but it looks like the contestants will be videotaped dealing with stressful or morally challenging situations and rated not on their physical appearance, but on their character. Participants won’t know about the actual judging criteria until they are eliminated. This suggests that the “most manipulative, scheming person wins” model that has dominated everything from “The Apprentice” to “Survivor” won’t be in play here. Instead, losing contestants are likely to see an ugly side of themselves.
One of the reasons we find this so interesting is this: in the same way that outer beauty is different for everyone (for example, some people find tall, curvy women irresistible while others prefer small and petite) the concept of inner beauty is difficult to define. So what qualities should the judges rate in determining who has the greatest inner beauty? We have some suggestions:
Kindness to others
Coolness of temper under stress
Honesty
Generosity
Willingness to listen
Authenticity (being a real person rather than a self-created TV persona)
Optimism
Emotional maturity
Odds are, a man or woman with all or most of these qualities is someone that any of us would want as a friend, colleague, partner or mentor. It will be fascinating to see if the producers of “True Beauty” can really focus on emphasizing what true beauty means, instead of focusing on “gotcha” moments that show people at their ugliest. Aside from bringing a breath of fresh air to a withering TV genre, that would also bring to light the genuine qualities of attractiveness and magnetism that we talk about. We’ll be tuning in…or at least running the Tivo.
Inner beauty is a major focus of what we do in both our medical practices. For a psychiatrist, that’s obvious: so much of the work is directed at helping patients discover ways to cope with life’s problems and to bring out the strength and self-esteem that lies at the core of inner beauty. It’s less obvious for a dermatologist, but equally valid. Yes, that area of medicine is about the outer beauty of the skin, but often concerns about what’s outside mask issues about the inner self: a crisis of confidence, fears about aging or a troubled relationship, worries about body image or social conformity. In any case, it’s very difficult to help a person become truly beautiful if you are only addressing the problems on the exterior.
That’s why we particularly love this poem from writer Sam Levenson, which reflects the essence of what we talk about when we mention Inner Beauty—that true beauty stems from seeing beauty around you, reaching out to others, and having a restorative, healing, loving attitude toward life. The poem:
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.
It was way back in 1972 that an Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution was proposed, guaranteeing equal treatment under the law for all persons regardless of gender. Sadly, the ERA was never ratified and probably never will be, but there’s another way to look at the matter. The fact is, women have made enormous strides in this country without a constutional mandate, and in a way that’s even more satisfying that if laws were in place forcing us to be treated on a level equal with me. Extraordinary women like those we met and saw at the 2008 Women’s Conference in Long Beach, California showed what’s possible with time, determination, brilliance and incredible talent. They showed us how far we’ve come, even if there’s still a long way to go.
This is a blog about beauty, so let’s get to the point right away: the women in the spotlight at this event were magnetic in the best Beauty Prescription tradition: accomplished, supremely confident and intelligent beyond words. We were dazzled by the array of women leaders and cultural icons who were in attendance: Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, journalist Christiane Amanpour, feminist legend Gloria Steinem, Cherie Blair, wife of the former British Prime Minister, supermodel and media mogul Heidi Klum, Chairman and CEO of PepsoCo Indra Nooyi, journalist Campbell Brown, Jennifer Lopez, California’s First Lady Maria Shriver, and many more. These were Beauty Buddies anyone would want. It was amazing to see all these women who are so different externally but are all beautiful in their own way. They all emphasized being part of both a local community and a global community, and agreed that the “glass ceiling” that Hillary Clinton spoke of so often was inevitably going to be shattered.
More than 14,000 people attended this year’s event, which was themed, “Be who you are. Feel it. Live it. Pass it on.” HIghlights included an exhibit floor filled with fascinating products and companies, a day’s worth of meetings and conversations, and the “Night at the Village” reception, which included book signings, networking and more. All in all, it was a fantastic opportunity for us to meet some incredible people and spread our message of inner and outer beauty and the Beauty-Brain Loop.
Shriver was especially moving. She spoke about facing your fears and shared her personal struggles watching her mom deteriorate and her uncle Ted Kennedy become ill. It was deeply personal and quite empowering and gave us both some added personal courage to face our own fears. She works all year on the conference as her personal project, and her daughters, who introduced her, have become part of it. That’s a woman who’s beautiful inside and out!
We also got the chance to spend dinner talking with Billie Jean King, which was a real thrill. Eva shares the same birthday with her, and we are so grateful for what she has done for women going all the way back to her “Battle of the Sexes” tennis match with Bobby Riggs to her being one of the first female athletes to proudly declare that she was a lesbian. As we’re both tennis players, it was a real high to talk to her. She
looked beautiful. She received the Minerva Award along with Hay House Publishing founder Louise Hay, Gloria Steinem, U2 singer and activist Bono and more.
A sign of the times, perhaps, was the prominence of men at the Conference. Years ago, men would have been the enemy at events like this; today, with the rising confidence and power of women it’s become more than OK to have men be part of the program. We all enjoyed the exchange between Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, Warren Buffett, and Chris Matthews when Buffett asked Matthews, “If you could have changed your sex into that of a woman, would you have?” Buffett ducked the oddball question (he’s probably a little more focused on the economy these days), and Schwarzenegger came back with the quip “Here in California, they do have men that become women.”
A man, Bono, even had the quote of the event: “Women care more because they bear more.” Amen to that.
All in all, it was a fabulous, enlightening day. If you couldn’t make it, try to be there in 2009.
Back in 2007, Dawn Vandehey was six months pregnant with their second child. Dawn was running errands and walking through a parking lot to her bank when a woman she had never seen before stuck her head out of her car window and said to Dawn, “I just want to tell you that you look beautiful.” As you can imagine, Dawn was walking on air the rest of the day because of that unsolicited and very sweet compliment, especially at a time when she, as she says, “Had a belly like the Buddha.”
Now, Dawn is a tall, athletic-looking, beautiful redhead with bright green eyes. Men notice her when she walks down the street. But this wasn’t a man. It was a woman and a stranger, and people as a rule in our society don’t pay others compliments out of the clear blue sky. Also, Dawn didn’t have her usual sleek figure; she was sporting what’s commonly called “the waddle”: that very pregnant walk where women in their third trimester jut their hips out in front of the rest of them in order to reduce some of the pressure on their back. It’s functional, but lacking in the come-hither department. Yet in spite of this, someone was moved to favor her with a spontaneous bit of recognition of her unique beauty. Why?
In great part, it was because Dawn loved being pregnant. She handled it with incredible poise and grace and joy. She enjoyed every aspect of it as much as she had enjoyed carrying their first daughter. She was serene and happy and felt the most beautiful she had ever felt. In other words, the Inner Beauty stage of Dawn’s Beauty-Brain Loop was in overdrive. Her self-esteem and contentment shone from her like a beacon, encouraging her to take care of her body and dress well and look as great as she could in spite of her pregnancy. Inner Beauty also gave her a radiant self-confidence, and it was this that we believe the unknown woman in the parking lot responded to.
Inner Beauty has the power to do that for all of us. It’s the place where true, lasting beauty begins, beauty that transcends time and trends and the inevitable changes that come with aging. Some women, regardless of their age or station in life, are always beautiful and magnetic: Catherine Deneuve, Jane Seymour, Tina Turner, Bette Midler. What do they have in common? They are carrying on a passionate love affair with themselves and their lives; they adore who and what they are and enjoy lives filled with meaning, purpose and challenge. Because of this they are driven to stay fit and healthy and care for their skin. Most importantly, they give off a contagious energy and fire, a hunger for living that makes us feel better about being part of the human race. Because if they can be so amazing at 50 or 60 or 70, maybe we can, too.
This might be the secret behind Inner Beauty’s power to make others see us as beautiful. When we feel that we’re the best we can be, others look at us and think, “Maybe I can be that fabulous someday, too.” Try some of these to capture that beauty:
Reflecting on the good you have done for other people
Looking at what you have achieved in your life rather than where you have failed
Giving yourself one moment each day to think about your blessings
Setting aside some time each week for quiet contemplation
Finding ways to improve the lives of others, especially those less fortunate
Taking optimal care of your health through diet and exercise
Finding healthy ways to release stress—mediation, walking, prayer
Making the physical space you inhabit the most beautiful it can be
Inner Beauty inspires and elevates. And you don’t have to be pregnant to have it. You just have to be happy.
