It’s always nice to know that the theories we put into our book, The Beauty Prescription, actually make sense in the real world. In one of the chapters, called Beauty 911, we talk at great length about taking care of your inner and outer beauty in times of stressful transition: death, divorce, job loss, etc. During such times, it’s easy to let your beauty go, to neglect your health, to succumb to anger and sadness, and to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. Our advice was to be mindful of these truths and to take steps to preserve your physical health and appearance as well as your emotional equipoise, because when you can keep control over something while everything else around you is spinning out of control, you feel better. And you are better.
A woman we know named Ann (we have changed her name to protect the not-so-innocent) has become our personal poster child for the principles of Beauty 911 because of something that happened to her a couple of weeks back in Miami. Ann has been going through a terribly traumatic divorce, the kind of personal betrayal that is emotionally shattering. For many weeks, she was depressed and couldn’t stop crying. Life as she knew it had been upended by the dissolution of her marriage. Frankly, we were worried about her. She’s a strong, smart lady with tremendous inner and outer beauty, and to see her thrown for such a disabling loop was a reminder that every one of us is just a phone call or a test result from having our existence cast to the four winds.
Fast forward to a few weekends ago, when everything seemed to change. Ann had started to get her sense of self back, get her feet back under her and find some of the fire we knew well. She had stopped being a victim and was beginning to morph into a fighter. It was good to see. To blow off some steam, she went out on a Saturday night with some friends to some nightclubs in Miami’s wild South Beach district. Now, if you know anything about South Beach, you know that it’s like Mardi Gras year-round. This is a place where the plainest women become objects of fierce sexual attention from gorgeous men, and Ann is hardly plain. She had decided for the evening (and here’s where the principle of Beauty 911 comes in) to adopt a new identity—to give her divorcing self a night off and cut loose as someone else for a while. So she introduced herself as Asia D’Cuba and had a great time.
About midnight, “Asia” tired of the scene and headed for the street. But as she stood there she was having trouble fastening her sweater. She didn’t see a huge white Mercedes pull up, but a deep voice from the darkened car said, “Can I help you with that?” Ann, tickled by the attention, leaned forward provocatively and a huge, dark-skinned hand came out of the window, fastened her sweater clasp, then moved to her breast. That was more than she had bargained for, and she jumped back. The voice and hand, it turned out, belonged to a professional football player about 25 years old (who shall also remain nameless) and who Ann knew had just signed a multi-million dollar contract. He invited her to check out his car, but she politely declined. After all, there are only so many things a middle-aged woman under an assumed name will do on a Saturday night!
Still, Ann was secretly thrilled. She, a fortysomething soon-to-be divorcee who had been feeling old and unattractive, had been hit on by a twentysomething NFL stud! We thought it was hysterically funny and really sweet, and wonderful for her growing self-esteem. We also think it’s a perfect example of Beauty 911 in action. Ann took herself out of a comfort zone that had become depressing, took a risk, found her playful side, and rediscovered her self-confidence. All these things combined to make her atttractive enough to capture the attention of a rich young man who could have picked up on any woman in South Beach. Crisis? What crisis? The only person we feel sorry for now is Ann’s soon-to-be-ex.
In our book, The Beauty Prescription, we talk extensively about something we call “Beauty 911.” It means that when life knocks you flat with a tragedy or a bad turn of events, it’s important to devote a little of your time and strength to letting yourself be beautiful—to taking care of yourself. This may seem trivial when faced with something like the collapse of a relationship, a financial catastrophe or a frightening health problem, but who made the rule that hard times were supposed to be endured with stone-faced stoicism? What’s wrong with breaking the tension by spending an hour getting your hair blown out, buying a great pair of shoes or laughing with a friend until you feel nauseous? Nothing, we say. In fact, giving yourself permission to care about your inner and outer beauty during a period of great stress is probably one of the healthiest coping mechanisms we’ve ever heard of.
It’s all about control. We live with a tentative, fragile illusion that we’re in control of our lives, but we’re really not. Most of life is a roll of the dice. We can’t control the stock market, the actions of other people, the weather or the DNA in our cells. So when something happens that shatters our neat, controlled bubble, it’s devastating. We feel like we’re floating without moorings, utterly vulnerable and alone. In fact, it’s important to remember that while we may cherish the idea that we control the outcome of each day, there are only two things we can control: how we prepare for what happens and how we respond to what happens. When something destroys your sense of peace and predictability, it’s essential that you regain some small bit of control that you can hold onto. Focusing on your beauty gives you a little of your control back.
Let’s face it, even if you’re diagnosed with cancer and facing rough treatments, you’re still the one in control of what you eat, how you dress and how you look. No one else can make those decisions for you. Even if your home is foreclosed upon, you can still get your nails done and make sure your makeup looks perfect. You can and should take time to meditate, work out, moisturize, and do whatever you must to look and feel as good as you can. Beauty is a pillar anchored in bedrock that you can cling to when everything else seems to be pitching in the wind. You say, “Well, at least I know I look great!” It’s not a solution to your problems, but it’s something that can help you make it through the day…and some days, that’s all you really hope for, isn’t it?
Trauma also tests our inner beauty. It’s easy to blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault and to wallow in guilt. This can cause self-esteem to take a dive and pull you into a dangerous downward spiral. It’s just as vital to tend your inner beauty: spend time with a Beauty Buddy, be with friends, talk with a therapist. Find ways to become more objective about what’s going on and you’re likely to find that, even if you share some responsibility for what’s gone wrong, it’s not all your fault.
Beauty treatments are great for boosting your inner beauty and are also wonderful antidotes for the harmful effects of the stress hormones that flood our bodies during times of trauma. Just having your toes done and being around other women in a supportive setting releases oxytocin, creating feelings of warmth and bonding. And what could be better than a massage to knead away the tightness and exhaustion that come with life’s trials? We know women who have gotten cosmetic treatments right before therapy for cancer, because knowing they looked their best was part of their act of “girding for battle,” going into the fight with guns blazing. More power to them. Confidence, self-esteem and inner peace are critical if you’re going to make it through life’s tsunamis. Beauty 911 is something none of us should be afraid of dialing.
