Here’s a shocking revelation: men like physically beautiful women. And if reinforcing one stereotype isn’t enough for you, here’s another: apparently, women are attracted to wealth. So says Indiana University cognitive scientist Peter Todd and colleagues from Germany, England and Scotland, who used a speed dating session in Germany to compare what men and women said they wanted in a mate with whom they actually chose. The results of the study will be published shortly in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
Now, we’re not sure how scientific speed dating—where people have “mini dates” of 3 to 5 minutes with as many as 30 other singles—really is, and the sample size of only 46 people isn’t exactly conclusive, but the results are certainly in line with what we’ve said in our book, The Beauty Prescription. The researchers say that when they were surveyed before the speed dating, participants gave socially acceptable answers to what they wanted in a significant other—intellect, sense of humor, and so on. But when it came to selecting people in a face-to-face setting, the men went for physical attractiveness most often, and the women were drawn to material wealth and security.
This isn’t surprising to us. We’ve written about it, and the results of this study are in line with the predictions of evolutionary psychology, which say that based on our desire for survival, ancient men were attracted to clear skin, glossy hair and physical symmetry because women with those features were more likely to be healthy and thus more successfully bear lots of children. As for the women, who were physically weaker, they were drawn to men with a greater ability to provide, protect and provide security for the family. As Todd said, ancient males and females who chose mates in this way would have had a better chance of producing lots of offspring, giving them an evolutionary advantage.
Reductive? Sure, but it illustrates that at first glance, we’re still driven by our sense of innate beauty, that hard-wired ideal that’s a product of millennia of evolution. There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s part of who and what we are as men and women. But the limit of studies like this is that we should take them at face value and no more, because they don’t measure the other aspect our beauty sense, evolving beauty. Speed dating is about instant impressions, and when we have nothing else to go on, it makes sense to choose the guy with the $3,000 Rolex or the woman with the great cheekbones and dazzling smile. What this study doesn’t do is follow up to see what happened after these men and women spent more time together, after they got to know each other and saw the more subtle aspects of each other’s beauty: wit, spirituality, sex appeal, physical surroundings, relationships, career and so on. Time changes how we perceive beauty, which is why women who are not supermodels usually find their own Prince Charmings. Once we start to see the entire person, not just the facsimile that we see in 3 to 5 minutes, we find that beauty exists at many subtle, intriguing levels, inside and out.
Something to be aware of if you ever decide to speed date. For our part, we’ll stick to the slow version.
It was way back in 1972 that an Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution was proposed, guaranteeing equal treatment under the law for all persons regardless of gender. Sadly, the ERA was never ratified and probably never will be, but there’s another way to look at the matter. The fact is, women have made enormous strides in this country without a constutional mandate, and in a way that’s even more satisfying that if laws were in place forcing us to be treated on a level equal with me. Extraordinary women like those we met and saw at the 2008 Women’s Conference in Long Beach, California showed what’s possible with time, determination, brilliance and incredible talent. They showed us how far we’ve come, even if there’s still a long way to go.
This is a blog about beauty, so let’s get to the point right away: the women in the spotlight at this event were magnetic in the best Beauty Prescription tradition: accomplished, supremely confident and intelligent beyond words. We were dazzled by the array of women leaders and cultural icons who were in attendance: Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, journalist Christiane Amanpour, feminist legend Gloria Steinem, Cherie Blair, wife of the former British Prime Minister, supermodel and media mogul Heidi Klum, Chairman and CEO of PepsoCo Indra Nooyi, journalist Campbell Brown, Jennifer Lopez, California’s First Lady Maria Shriver, and many more. These were Beauty Buddies anyone would want. It was amazing to see all these women who are so different externally but are all beautiful in their own way. They all emphasized being part of both a local community and a global community, and agreed that the “glass ceiling” that Hillary Clinton spoke of so often was inevitably going to be shattered.
More than 14,000 people attended this year’s event, which was themed, “Be who you are. Feel it. Live it. Pass it on.” HIghlights included an exhibit floor filled with fascinating products and companies, a day’s worth of meetings and conversations, and the “Night at the Village” reception, which included book signings, networking and more. All in all, it was a fantastic opportunity for us to meet some incredible people and spread our message of inner and outer beauty and the Beauty-Brain Loop.
Shriver was especially moving. She spoke about facing your fears and shared her personal struggles watching her mom deteriorate and her uncle Ted Kennedy become ill. It was deeply personal and quite empowering and gave us both some added personal courage to face our own fears. She works all year on the conference as her personal project, and her daughters, who introduced her, have become part of it. That’s a woman who’s beautiful inside and out!
We also got the chance to spend dinner talking with Billie Jean King, which was a real thrill. Eva shares the same birthday with her, and we are so grateful for what she has done for women going all the way back to her “Battle of the Sexes” tennis match with Bobby Riggs to her being one of the first female athletes to proudly declare that she was a lesbian. As we’re both tennis players, it was a real high to talk to her. She
looked beautiful. She received the Minerva Award along with Hay House Publishing founder Louise Hay, Gloria Steinem, U2 singer and activist Bono and more.
A sign of the times, perhaps, was the prominence of men at the Conference. Years ago, men would have been the enemy at events like this; today, with the rising confidence and power of women it’s become more than OK to have men be part of the program. We all enjoyed the exchange between Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, Warren Buffett, and Chris Matthews when Buffett asked Matthews, “If you could have changed your sex into that of a woman, would you have?” Buffett ducked the oddball question (he’s probably a little more focused on the economy these days), and Schwarzenegger came back with the quip “Here in California, they do have men that become women.”
A man, Bono, even had the quote of the event: “Women care more because they bear more.” Amen to that.
All in all, it was a fabulous, enlightening day. If you couldn’t make it, try to be there in 2009.
We’re always on the lookout for interesting stories about the way that beauty, both inner and outer, impacts our lives, and boy did we find one recently. Seems that in Blackburn, England, there’s a place called the Evolve center where stabilized drug and alcohol addicts practice “beauty therapy” on each other. Basically, they give each other haircuts, massages and manicures under the supervision of a community support worker who has had training in “beauty therapy.” Finally, after years of us telling everyone how therapeutic a trip to the salon could be, someone comes up with a formal program and certification confirming it!
You can read more about this rather unique program here, but we’re less concerned with the novelty of it as we are with what such a thing says about our need to feel beautiful and help others feel the same way. Sure, there’s value in having recovering substance abusers do anything productive, but why not have them cleaning up trash on the side of the road, or helping out in a soup kitchen? Why beauty? As we’ve written in our book, feeling beautiful is fundamental to our sense of self-esteem, so much so that when we feel unkempt and unattractive, it exacerbates any feelings we have of being out of control and isolated. That’s why one of the most morale-boosting things that can be done for long-term hospital patients is to give them a shave, haircut or manicure. We feel better about ourselves and our ability to deal with adversity when we know we look our best.
This effect isn’t limited to the grim outer limits of substance abuse and addiction. We’ve done it; gotten dolled up when we knew we were going to give birth to our children. It’s not hard to find women who have gotten waxed or had their hair done the day before going in for a scheduled Cesearian section. Why bother when your baby, not you, is the star of the show? Because it feels good to look good. It makes us feel less like a patient and more like a person.
This dovetails perfectly with the concept of “Beauty 911″ that we talked about in our book. The idea is that during traumatic or stressful periods in our lives—illness, divorce, financial hardships—it’s especially important to take steps to look and feel beautiful because the simple act of caring for one’s beauty and health serves as a reminder that we’re still here. We’re still vital and one day, things will get better. Under such circumstances, beauty becomes much more important than it is when everything’s coming up roses in life—it becomes a kind of lifeline that affirms the belief that things can improve and addiction can be overcome. For the women in this program, who are passing through one of the darkest phases a person can experience, beauty treatments are a small reminder that recovery is possible.
So for these women battling drug and alcohol habits, the appeal of getting beautiful is simple: it’s an act of recapturing part of a normal life, an affirmation. When you can spend your time getting a great highlight job or having your cuticles trimmed, that implies that you’re NOT spending your time staring into a liquor bottle or finding ways to score prescription meds. It says, “I’m back.” Beauty, perhaps more than anything else we can do for ourselves, helps us define who we are. That’s why we treat it with such respect.
We’re getting ready to attend the 2008 Women’s Conference put on by WE Empower, an organization founded by California first lady Maria Shriver to bring women from all backgrounds together as forces for positive change in education, healthcare, leadership, sustainability, family and culture. It’s very exciting, as the Conference has grown from a small government initiative for working professionals to become, as the website reads, “a far-reaching organization, a life-changing experience, and an international network of women from all walks of life, backgrounds and perspectives.”
We expect to meet hundreds of fascinating women from all professions, hear women like Madeleine Albright and Condoleeza Rice speak, and discover what’s new in the world of women’s business, social activism and the fight to end poverty (a major initiative of the organization called WE Care). But for us, as doctors who address beauty from the inside out, this conference brings up a question as well: shouldn’t women be uniting to transform how our society decides what’s beautiful and perceives women of all ages? Just walking around the exhibit floor of this conference you’re likely to run into more women with MBAs, MDs, PhDs, EdDs, Pulitzer Prizes and awards of every stripe than you might meet in a year in the regular world. These are brilliant, accomplished, self-assured, powerful beings whose inner selves make them magnetic. Yet by and large, our society is more concerned with starlets and models and singers who contribute maybe 1% of what the ladies at the Women’s Conference bring to the evolution of our culture. There’s a disconnect there, don’t you think?
Beauty is as much about intelligence, creativity and passion as it is about the face or body. Maybe it’s time that women came together to demonstrate this—to show that the idea that power and influence are attractive isn’t an idea that applies only to men. It would be wonderful to focus some of the most educated, skilled and committed women on the planet on transforming the messages that we broadcast to young girls and to women who choose to engage in careers that have been dominated by men: that you can work hard and pursue knowledge or power and still be feminine and beautiful. The two are not (and have never been) mutually exclusive.
We’ll bring you more from the Conference on October 22. It should be quite a ride, we’re thrilled that our literary agents, Jillian Manus and Dena Fischer, are joining us.
You may recall, a few weeks back, a political uproar over a certain “lipstick on a pig” comment. We’re not going to go into the political side of things because, frankly, that’s not what we’re about. Instead, we want to talk about the power of lipstick. This blend of many different kinds of oils—including a great deal of castor oil (one more good reason not to eat your lipstick)—along with pigments and moisturizers, vitamin E, aloe vera, collagen, amino acids, and sunscreen has its origins in ancient Mesopotamia and Egypt. Women would decorate their lips with either crushed precious stones or (yuck) the red color from the crushed shells of carmine beetles and red ants. Later, in the 16th century, Queen Elizabeth I popularized the more recognizable form of lipstick, made in those days from animal tallow.
But it’s not the natural or social history of lipstick that interests us. It’s the effect. Why is lipstick above all other facial adornments associated with feminity and sex appeal? Why do we feel more attractive when we have shiny, deeply colored lips? In part, it’s because of the nature of how we perceive beauty. The smile is the banner of beauty, the only part of the face that’s constantly changing from moment to moment. We begin an encounter with someone by looking at their eyes, but the smile quickly takes over from there. The lips are the exquisite frame for teeth, laughter, and speech. The more alluring and sensual that frame, the more attracted people are to the face around it and the person that lies behind it.
Lipstick has power because it’s the most vibrant color on the face, pulling our attention to the mouth. When it’s richly colored and glossy, it stimulates the hard-wired male attraction to beauty. Evolution has designed men to be drawn to vivid color and shine in hair and skin because in ancient times they were signs of health, youth and fertility. So when you put on that deep ruby shade, you’re speaking in a sexual lingua franca that goes back thousands of years.
And because color also carries subtle messages about personality, you’re also broadcasting something about who you are. What does your lipstick color say about you? We’ll tell you:
Deep red—This one doesn’t take much figuring out. Red is the color of sexuality, passion and intense emotion. It’s no accident that red is the color of the power suit or power tie, and that red roses represent romance.
Pink—Pink (as well as coral, salmon, and fuschia) is a softer color that represents femininity, girlishness, or playfulness. It’s better suited for a casual affair than a formal dinner or social event, though if a pink shade works for your coloring, always go with what makes you look ravishing.
Purple—Purple seems bold and exotic, and indeed it can work best for women with dramatic coloring, but there’s no reason any woman can’t make it work for her. Purple suggests sophistication, regal bearing, and an independent spirit.
Yellow—Yellow? Not so fast. Yellow family colors include amber and orange, which are certainly colors you can try. In general, this family of colors speaks of energy, caution, warmth, cheer and friendliness.
Brown—Whether you’re talking about a russet or a leather hue, brown is the color of melanin, the body’s natural pigment, and so brown shades suggest a natural, earthy quality.
As makeup guru Bobbi Brown says, never choose a lipstick shade based on your skin or hair color. Base your choice on the natural color of your lips. Of course, there’s a lot more to this topic, from SPF protection to lip liners and glosses to the many variations within each color family based on the minerals the color was made with, and so on. If you really want to dig into the topic, we suggest talking with a professional, certified makeup artist. Then let the color of your lips do the talking.
Back in 2007, Dawn Vandehey was six months pregnant with their second child. Dawn was running errands and walking through a parking lot to her bank when a woman she had never seen before stuck her head out of her car window and said to Dawn, “I just want to tell you that you look beautiful.” As you can imagine, Dawn was walking on air the rest of the day because of that unsolicited and very sweet compliment, especially at a time when she, as she says, “Had a belly like the Buddha.”
Now, Dawn is a tall, athletic-looking, beautiful redhead with bright green eyes. Men notice her when she walks down the street. But this wasn’t a man. It was a woman and a stranger, and people as a rule in our society don’t pay others compliments out of the clear blue sky. Also, Dawn didn’t have her usual sleek figure; she was sporting what’s commonly called “the waddle”: that very pregnant walk where women in their third trimester jut their hips out in front of the rest of them in order to reduce some of the pressure on their back. It’s functional, but lacking in the come-hither department. Yet in spite of this, someone was moved to favor her with a spontaneous bit of recognition of her unique beauty. Why?
In great part, it was because Dawn loved being pregnant. She handled it with incredible poise and grace and joy. She enjoyed every aspect of it as much as she had enjoyed carrying their first daughter. She was serene and happy and felt the most beautiful she had ever felt. In other words, the Inner Beauty stage of Dawn’s Beauty-Brain Loop was in overdrive. Her self-esteem and contentment shone from her like a beacon, encouraging her to take care of her body and dress well and look as great as she could in spite of her pregnancy. Inner Beauty also gave her a radiant self-confidence, and it was this that we believe the unknown woman in the parking lot responded to.
Inner Beauty has the power to do that for all of us. It’s the place where true, lasting beauty begins, beauty that transcends time and trends and the inevitable changes that come with aging. Some women, regardless of their age or station in life, are always beautiful and magnetic: Catherine Deneuve, Jane Seymour, Tina Turner, Bette Midler. What do they have in common? They are carrying on a passionate love affair with themselves and their lives; they adore who and what they are and enjoy lives filled with meaning, purpose and challenge. Because of this they are driven to stay fit and healthy and care for their skin. Most importantly, they give off a contagious energy and fire, a hunger for living that makes us feel better about being part of the human race. Because if they can be so amazing at 50 or 60 or 70, maybe we can, too.
This might be the secret behind Inner Beauty’s power to make others see us as beautiful. When we feel that we’re the best we can be, others look at us and think, “Maybe I can be that fabulous someday, too.” Try some of these to capture that beauty:
Reflecting on the good you have done for other people
Looking at what you have achieved in your life rather than where you have failed
Giving yourself one moment each day to think about your blessings
Setting aside some time each week for quiet contemplation
Finding ways to improve the lives of others, especially those less fortunate
Taking optimal care of your health through diet and exercise
Finding healthy ways to release stress—mediation, walking, prayer
Making the physical space you inhabit the most beautiful it can be
Inner Beauty inspires and elevates. And you don’t have to be pregnant to have it. You just have to be happy.
The stock market drops by 1,000 points. Banks fail. Brokerage houses go belly up. Unemployment rises along with inflation. Economic hard times seem to be upon us, and when you’re worried about your job and making your mortgage payment, it seems crazy to pay $120 for a few ounces of moisturizer, no matter how miraculous the marketing claims happen to be. The fact is that for most of us, anything beyond the most basic beauty products—moisturizer, cleanser, makeup, shampoo and conditioner, etc.—are luxuries, and luxuries are the first things to go when we’re watching our 401(k) accounts go dry. But while you’re watching the NASDAQ shudder and waiting for the Federal Reserve Board to announce its latest desperate attempt to salvage the economy, there’s no need to completely abandon the idea of looking beautiful.
In these hard economic times, being and feeling beautiful is as important as ever. Studies show that attractive people earn more money, hold greater positions of power, and get special treatment from their employers. Generally, beautiful people feel better about themselves and their situation in the work place Beauty is currency. But how to afford beauty in these hard economic times? Try some of these ideas (some are even free!):
See your beauty. Realize from the very start you are at least 20% more beautiful than you give yourself credit for. Women tend to underestimate their beauty by 20%. Just giving yourselves that Beauty Boost is a great way to live with real self-confidence.
Try drugstore brands. Drug store brands are as effective as the department store brands. It’s the ingredients that count, not the packaging. As a matter of fact, many drugstore brands have sister products in the department stores (i.e. Lancome and L’oreal).
Smile and wear bright lipstick. A smile with the shimmer of bright lips is like a welcome sign for people to feel attracted to your beauty. Eyes are the first things people notice about you but a warm beautiful smile seals the deal.
Get a Beauty Buddy. Studies show that having close female friends is not only helpful as a support system in hard times, but it is also an amazing beauty booster. Having a Beauty Buddy is associated with a release of the hormone oxytocin, which gives you that feeling of calm, makes your skin glow and helps you feel more beautiful about yourself.
Keep it simple. You don’t need 10 products to have beautiful skin. As matter of fact, you only need 3-4 daily skin care products: an exfoliative cleanser, a sunscreen, and a therapeutic night cream.
Look in your kitchen. It’s a great source of free beauty products. Green tea bags soaked and frozen make great eye de-puffers, thanks to the cold and the antioxidants found in green tea. For youthful lips, mix granular sugar with cherry jello and do a light scrub of your lips. You will be left with a smooth, pink tinted pout.
Grab the free samples. Visit any cosmetic counter or even go to your dermatologist for your annual skin care exam and free skin care samples are yours. Many of the big cosmetic companies want you to try their products and they are yours for free.
Try natural alternatives. Scrubs and masks made completely from plants like papaya and pumpkin are very common at high-end spas and provide real benefits, but you don’t have to pay spa prices. Just get your hands on the fresh fruit or vegetables and make your own products. The Budget Ecoist is a wonderful source of information on how to make your own safe and effective home beauty products.
Take care of your health. The Health stage of the Beauty-Brain Loop dictates that when your whole body is healthy, you feel and look better inside and out. One of the first steps you should take when trying to stay gorgeous through belt-tightening times is to make sure you’re in the best health possible. Exercise regularly; 30 minutes of exercise five days a week releases pleasurable hormones, makes your skin glow, improves muscle tone, and enhances attitude. Eat a diet rich in fruit, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein and fish, which gives you important fatty acids. Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. Don’t smoke. Keep the alcohol, which can dehydrate you, to a minimum. Get enough sleep.
Find smart ways to manage stress. Some stress in your life is normal and even healthy. But the chronic stress that can come with tough financial straits can wreak havoc with your skin. The release of “stress hormones” like cortisol stimulates your sebaceous glands to produce extra oil, which can lead to breakouts and acne, not to mention what stress does to your heart and blood pressure. Whether you rely on long walks in nature or a daily yoga or meditation regimen, come up with tricks to help you let go of stress and relax your body and mind.
Do your research. Often, the most costly cosmetics and skin care products are not necessarily any better than the cheaper department store brands. In 2006 the beauty industry was rocked when Olay Regenerist Night Cream, which runs about $20, was voted best anti-aging product by a consumer panel, beating out products that cost four or five times more. Cetaphil makes great cleansers and moisturizers at reasonable prices.
Shop online. If you care more about price than you do about sampling a product at a department store beauty counter, then do your shopping on the Internet. Sites like Cosmetic Times offer all the major brands at savings of 40% and more (of course, you have to pay for shipping, but if you place a big order the shipping becomes insignificant compared to the savings.
Protect yourself from the sun. The sun is still the major culprit in skin damage. What about Vitamin D? You get all you need walking to and from your car each week. Every morning, put on a moisturizer that contains a broad-spectrum (meaning it blocks UVA and UVB rays) sunscreen of at least SPF 30. Wear a hat and UV protective clothing if you’re going to be out in the sun for a long time, and be prepared to reapply sunscreen every two hours or so. If you can, avoid being outdoors during the hours when the sun is most intense, typically about 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. That’s usually not a problem on weekdays, because most of us are working. But on weekends (or if this recession costs you your job and you have lots of time on your hands), you’ve got to be careful. This applies to your hair as well; use a conditioner that contains an SPF.
Take care of your teeth. Your smile is an important part of your appearance, and as long as you have dental insurance, there’s no excuse for not taking care of your oral health even if you can’t afford expensive products. Visit your dentist twice a year for exams and cleanings and if your teeth are dingy, look into inexpensive home whitening kits. Even if you don’t have dental coverage, you can still floss, brush and rinse at least twice a day and use whitening toothpaste. A great smile is a terrific accessory to beautiful skin and hair.
These steps may not be as glamorous as spending a small fortune on skin cremes, night cremes, home microdermabrasion scrubs and so on, but they’re good medicine for tight financial times. Keep in mind that prevention is always the best medicine for your beauty, so stay clear of the sun, eat and drink smart, sleep, and try to keep from getting too stressed out. Better times will return…so they tell us.
